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| Thursday, January 6th, 2011 | | 2:09 pm |
So it's the New Year...
2010, needless to say, was a total wash for me. However, as I browse about the blogosphere (does anyone use that anymore? Did they ever really?), it seems most people are wishing "Fuck You" to 2010 with extreme prejudice. There is some comfort in knowing that oneself was not selectively picked to have Bad Things pushed upon them, but rather that some uncaring, unknowing tide of malevolence sweep the countryside. Ultimately, I guess that means, "At least the Universe isn't picking on just me." So with that, most of us look to the next year as the one that will be better, the one that will pick up, because we as a whole just cannot fathom worse, or worse yet, actually going through worse to come. Not exactly cheery. um. Let's take this year and preemptively bitch it up. Give it a push down the escalator for no reason to let it know what's up. Bah. Let's try a joke. "A fox, a wolf, and a dragon walk into a bar... Current Mood:  apathetic | | Monday, September 13th, 2010 | | 12:34 pm |
Update
So, last month I was approved for government disability. Very mixed feeling. I don't /want/ to be disabled, and this is like a full financial admission of such. But, we really really really need it. So that's good. I still have on and off months (or days). Some days I'm around doing some light cleaning and such around the apartment, and others I just curl up and sit, as I can't process anything coming in. I HATE that this is impacting my cognitive functions, not just the balance/hearing loss. There's still stuff I need to mail about to people, but I haven't driven since...March? April? I need to get a list of what I owe folk and see how I can make it right, as I'm not sure if I'll be returning to the art scene (even scanning photos.. after awhile the concentration I put in it makes my head feel like it's in a sonic vibrator and I have to stop and rest). This condition, on top of all the meds I'm on to help deal with the symptoms, has also left me.. feeling like I've been to the vets and 'fixed'. Practically no urges, and sort of a general detachment to things physical. For me, that's.. that's huge. But I'm a guy so I guess it makes sense. Much more to go on about, but eh. Anyhow. Still alive. Got disability. Still relearning to live. And now, back to... | | Monday, August 16th, 2010 | | 2:53 pm |
Life Version 3.4
Known Hardware Failures:
100% in left hearing feature
100% loss of balance hardware
Hyperaccustal attacks
Cognitive functions flakey
Eye Tracking functionality -11%
Ruptured Appendix
Patches:
+1 medical chemical
+50% other 2 medical chemicals
2 ER visits
Adaptive Upgrade to address Hardwire Failures
(Brand name: Positive Attitude)
Third Party Support:
SSI and Disability has been applied and executedWhew. It's been a fuck of a year. But, I finally have government disability, so we can pay bills again!! My attitude and emotional state have been gradually getting better; it takes a long time to come to terms with such a sudden and massive handicap. But my wulf, my family (and his), and my friends stood with me during this trying time, to which I have eternal gratitude :) Now here's hoping that there's no new bugs before version 3.5! Current Mood: okay | | Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010 | | 6:23 pm |
BBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I swear to god the next person to do a meme on that freakin' WC buzzing I'm going to their house and tune them up "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" style. Adult Swim, I'm looking your way. Current Mood:  annoyed | | Tuesday, May 25th, 2010 | | 8:18 pm |
1st Encounters
And both are going to go to homes of friends and family next month :D Current Mood:  happy | | Wednesday, May 19th, 2010 | | 9:26 pm |
| | Thursday, April 15th, 2010 | | 1:00 pm |
| | Tuesday, March 30th, 2010 | | 9:47 pm |
Huh.
I'm back in from a balance clinic in Athens (as opposed to just hearing). It's kind of weird; just a few weeks ago the doctor had finished her dissertation on similar symptoms, and had heard from everyone that no-one ever sees those cases pop up--and bam, there I am. It turns out that I lost balance in /both/ ears, not just the left. That's why I've been dizzy for so long. With one good ear, the brain can remap itself to that. However, there is no good ear for it to calibrate to. She's going to hit some books and call some colleagues, as she had (too many) "Oh, wow" moments in the exam. But I learned two new names, 'bilateral vestibulopathy', and 'neural labrynthises' (no idea if my spelling is in the ballpark ;) There were lots of other neat sounds words involved, but as they were being thrown around while I was in testing not many stuck. I'm going to start going to two different physical clinics, one for the tinnitus, and one for the balance. Good this is, there are some close ones in the Atlanta area I can have people drive me to (driving is /right/ out the window, especially after this exam). Blaaaaaaah. Stop this ride, I wanna get off. Current Mood:  contemplative | | Saturday, March 27th, 2010 | | 11:10 pm |
Nesil and I got to visit with Ardor, Herc, Phan, Fel, and Fennec on and off so far during FWA. It's been great seeing them all again :D :D :D I'm still pretty homebound, especially since I was told to go off of control meds I was put on when all this started--as it turns out my folks did me a huge fav and book an appointing to a balance center in Athens this coming week. But to get a good reading on things, I have to have those things out of my system. At least I have a /choice/ wuffie to keep me company ^_^ <3 Ah well. I hope who are at FWA are having a good to great (with mod. percentages of amazing) time. Do a few (insert whatever here, hell it's a party) for me :) Current Mood:  drained | | Thursday, March 4th, 2010 | | 6:39 pm |
Rupture
So hey, more fun stuff! My appendix ruptured Tuesday night. Nesil took me to the ER 2am Wed morning. Just got back home a few hours ago. Fuck all this. Current Mood:  pissed off | | Tuesday, February 9th, 2010 | | 12:05 pm |
Auction Hock
http://www.furbid.ws/cgi-bin/auction/item.pl?item=232355247This is my favorite sketchbook. I've enjoyed having had artists putting their visions in it from 1999 to 2001. However, due to current personal medical complications, I think it would help me the most if it can cover some finances. The theme of the book is "Male Dragons & Female Unicorns", with the suggestion 'Soft R to hard XXX images of male dragons and female unicorns, in pinups or scenes of mating'. Yes, I have a fetish ;D Some of the artists included are Heather Burton, Grrwolf, Ken Cougar, Vicky Wyman, Rat Candy, Chris Sawyer, Fel, Steve Martin, Fennec, Werepuppy, and many more. The total artwork count is 41, with 6 of them in color. All pages have been sprayed with sealant to prevent rubbing/smugging ect. The front cover was damaged when one of the artists let construction glue drip on it, but it only damaged the side of the front cover a bit. Otherwise everything is in tip top shape. Current Mood: apathetic | | 9:58 am |
Current Update
Slight improvements. I started on another med that helps get the symptoms under control. Ever taken a really hard hit to the head, and had it ringing and spinning so that you were totally stunned? This is a lot like that, but it's not as bad now. The 2nd ENT I saw gave my problem the name "labyrinthitis". Looking it up, it explained a lot of my emotional and physical condition much better, and helped me understand what was going on. There's possibility of all senses coming back, but it seems to be told to me in much the same tone as someone going "Well, you could win the multimillion lottery jackpot if you keep playing.." I've gotten a phone call from work, with a letter of pseudo-severance. I'm so glad that I have Nesil and my family to help me through this all. On the other paw, I feel like a useless drain, as I'm still very limited in my activities. I can't draw yet (for those who get motion sickness, think of it as trying to read while in the backseat), but I can make short car trips for some groceries and my rx's. I'll keep on keeping on--there are still folk I wanna see again, and places I want to revisit. Take care guys. Current Mood: cold | | Friday, January 22nd, 2010 | | 3:11 pm |
Navigating old school
Apparently, Google Maps/Streetview isn't all that original. As I was killing time at my folks', I was going through some bookcases filled with Harry Potter looking tombs and books and stuff. This is one of my fav finds so far. Once I get back to my place and have access to all my imaging stuff, I plan to scan/preserve my finds here. I need to get better scans w/ retouches created--as it is, you can baaaarely see the text of directions (which read just like MapQuest directions!). This blows my mind. And it'll give me something to do that involves minimal visual tracking! Whoo! :) Current Mood:  calm | | Thursday, January 21st, 2010 | | 7:15 pm |
2nd specialist
I saw another ears/nose/throat specialist today (one to whom the MD in my family knew from school, so, pretty damn good). It's not Menier's disease (that's a largly dormant virus that presents 1-2 of my symtoms for 1-3 days 1-4 times a year). I forget the name he gave it (and I'm settled in nicely right now and don't wanna look for it right this minute), but it is crazy rare. If Meniers' is a car-crash, this is a cargo freighter train wreck. I could have exploratory surgery done to try to see under the hood, figure out if there was a rupture or some-such. Though it's not a problem in my case, there is the possibly of the procedure causing hearing loss. And even if they found something, "maybe fixing it" is a less accurate phrase than "not a chance". With the high risk and low probability of results, I'm not exploring that just yet. New stuff's being found every day, so I'll leave the hardware intact and see if there's a better firmware update down the road. I'm going to file for disability, but GA's the worst state in the nation to receive that in a timely fashion (average time from submission to acceptance is three years here). The MD in my family has had people die while waiting for it (Claims: "Dr.so-and-so, disability has been approved for your patient." Dr: "That's great. Only he's been dead for two weeks now."). Guh. Maybe I'll be the first person to write a song whose only word is 'fuck'. It would be fantastic to sing along with that right now. Thanks for support/sympathy/commiseration. I had no idea so many furs have ear problems, and it's nice to see that a normal life can be achieved. Till then, though, I'm probably going off radar again for awhile. Dunno if/when I'll be back, but I'll always be working on that goal. Miss you all. So long. And thanks for all the fish. Current Mood:  crushed | | Monday, January 18th, 2010 | | 3:25 pm |
Hmmmm....
Months back we bought a Wii Fit, and yeah, never used it. However, I was thinking if I pulled that out a few times a day for balance exercises, it might help speed the rebab for the vertigo dizziness? Yay to proving to parents that a lifetime of gaming can pay off! :) Current Mood: indescribable | | 12:09 pm |
There goes work
So, the time came that I was expecting. They're going to have to bring someone else to do one part of my job (one part that only I did; everything else was assisting other departments with tech issues). However, they're keeping me on company insurance through March, and I have an open door if/when I can come back to work. I'm currently working on lining up a second opinion with a specialist to see if he might catch something the other didn't, or maybe know of a treatment. In the meantime, I'm doing things here and there to try to adjust (though when I'm on a Xanax RX and don't notice the symptoms as much, I still have them, and still work not to trip while walking). Read for a bit, browse for a bit, watch tv a bit, work on some adobe photo touch-ups (and now I'm starting to be able to play some games on short stints). One thing I haven't tried yet is drawing. I'm terrified that I can't, and I couldn't take that much more right now. So, I'm trying to get to functionally normally before I give that a crack. And yet galaxly cluster HCG87 could give less than a gluon about the whole matter (Cluster HCG 87 is a dick). Seems like it's the better perspective to take on the matter. Guess I'll ignore it all while I curl up in my den, licking my wounds. Thanks for all the support. Dunno that I'm worth it, but thanks nonetheless :) Current Mood: moody | | Thursday, January 14th, 2010 | | 10:58 am |
Pretty damn hosed
So...it would seem I am hosed. At this point, with what I've been presenting, there's nothing else to do. Treatments for what I have are for low-level presentation of single symptoms (and each of those is still just so-so and often temp) -- there's nothing for this shotgun blast to the head I've gotten. I'm setting short goals currently for adjustment. I'm up to 30min-1hr of reading, about 30min in Photoshop, 30 min household stuff, before I have to take a break. But, right now, that's all I can do. However, that'll leave me gainfully unemployeed after a bit, I guess. Not that I'm bringing anything in at the moment (what with not going in to work and all), and can't focus enough yet for arts. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUU I can't even play that new Mario for the Wii, as shaking the controller for the propeller helmet jars my head too much D: Sigh. Current Mood: frustrated | | Wednesday, January 13th, 2010 | | 12:11 pm |
"This is going to be the worst day of your life. I'm bringing nunchucks."
Wow, this sucks. As some know, early last month I came down with what seems to be a Meniere's disease in the 1% of severity percentile. In the space of half an hour I went from full hearing to hell. The hearing in my left ear is totally gone, along with what seems to be all inner ear activity. Hang an acute case of ringing in the ear (50%+ of whatever my right ear is hearing at the time), and it's been...well...taxing. Without a solid decade of college and con inebriation, I don't think I'd currently know how to walk. Being in a car is like blowing a 0.2% BAC while putting in a full day at Six Flags. Every extra audio source brought in by my right ear geometrically increases the ringing in the left ear. MRI's have shown nothing, which is good news/bad news (good that there's no tumor or something, but bad in that there's nothing readably solvable). My next appointment with my Ears/Nose/Throat specialist is this Thursday, and really the best I can hope for at this point is finding meds/treatments to get these symptoms under control. Cabin fever is driving me nutty and to despair. I'm stuck as it's dangerous driving, but it's hard to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes before I'm totally distracted by the ringing. Nesil's been behind me, and I know this has been hard on him too. This post is mostly explaining my most recent drop-off and total lack of response lately. I'm sorry, but please forgive me, it's been rough. Take care out there guys--it's a fucked up world. Current Mood:  tired | | Sunday, July 26th, 2009 | | 7:26 pm |
| | Thursday, January 8th, 2009 | | 8:36 pm |
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